Well I've been off out in the wilds these last few days and it has truly given me a chance to just take a breath and be myself and not think about anything to do with my body or gender. I went out to a festival ( my first ) and camping ( my first time ) with a few friends of mine who I am very blessed to have because they let me be me in a very unique way. I can be whatever I want and they still very much full of affection for me and I pay them the same courtesy. I suppose that sounds trite to some, used to death, beaten to it's corner, but these are the breaths of fresh air that remind me that it's OK despite all these questions and trying to work out who I am and what I am about. There are some pretty incredible people in my life who think I am pretty dam special and I need that.
When I am swimming about in my mental drama's and turmoils as I am want to do at times, I can get myself back to ground by remembering that there are some very cool and beautiful people out there who think I am pretty cool and worth being around and they don't give a monkey's what gender I am or if I decide to dye my hair pink and start wearing mini skirts. These are the people who make my life worth living, I spend a lot of time worrying about what people will think, how they will react, that I may hurt people with my decisions. These people are the people who tell me it's not about them, it's about me and it's my life and my self who has to ultimately live with this stuff these people are my gold, my treasure and I can't imagine not having them in my life now I have them there. It's funny that we stumble upon each other by accident almost, there is no expectation that at that moment you may meet someone you will truly love for just being them and that they will love you back. This isn't about being lovers, it's not sex or attraction in that sense, but it is deep and sometimes uncomfortably intimate ( for someone who is used to keeping people at a distance ) but it's not something I ever want to walk away from.
No comments:
Post a Comment