Stripped Bare

This was a crazy night full of things but right now I am just going to talk about this, other stuff can wait:

OK so as mentioned before I went to see Stripped Bare - Killpussy, I didn't know what to expect and I've never seen her perform, but I suppose on some level I was expecting the same sort of directness as the previous shows and I don't think I was the only one. There were more people than the last shows due ( I was told ) to her following and I think they had their own expectations as well.

This made her job all the harder I think, I had to take time to think about this show not only because it had a different format but also because it was a different type of performance. Killpussy took a more theatrical approach, I loved this show because of it's cleverness it required that the audience look beneath the surface and I was a little frustrated by elements of the audience that didn't afford her the attention I felt this deserved, but in the end I managed to tune them out and give her my full attention.


I can only go by what I have gathered so far but the performers for Wotever Sex are laying their lives out in these shows. Experiences are real and close and deeply personal and there was a lot of content in her show, it was complex and layered that kept me going over parts, wanting to decode and investigate. It made me want to know more about what lay beneath the performer.The whole show was in a way a tease giving glimpses of her experience, just enough to tantalize us and make us hunger to know more.

This was a reflective journey she took on the persona of her future self and looked back through her life taking us with her and letting us see the moments that shaped her. Her work was clever, funny and full of her intelligence.


Beneath the bravado there is a sense of vulnerability, right upfront she lays it on the line, I'm shy ( said tongue in cheek and drawing laughter from the audience ) but it is Killpussy who is bold and unstoppable and without fear. Killpussy who has demanded to be born and to explode into the world. Time and time again she comments on not going out because it isn't safe and yet in her domain she is quite unquestionably Mistress of all she surveys.

I love the subtlety of this performance and I find myself asking again and again why these clothes over all the others in this whole shop full is it the significant moments they represent or are they even more, are they like she says at one point physical manifestations of herself. Are those parts still there has she evolved and moved into other suits, does she carry them with her still? All these questions. I love the outfits the playful red nightie with the polka dots, the poignant white dress suit. The tale delivered defiantly it was the one that stayed with me, stuck. Something ( or someone ) discarded and left broken, filthy and worthless being found and brought back to life, glory and being loved is something that will always tear at the heart, the sheer joyousness of Nukie Nana and even the satiny pink Princess gown found a place in my heart.

The finale is the birthday suit, which of course brought raucous joy and approval from the crowd to a song proclaiming 'I like you better when your naked' tied it all together, a long and difficult journey through hard choices and hard times uplifted and celebrated with self love and acceptance ( and floaty feather fans ). It made me ask myself when will I find that freedom, that courage, to love and accept the all of me. There was also the lightly touched upon idea that we should be constantly evolving beings in our sexuality/gender identity I love this idea and hope to see more of it in the future. I do have a fondness for the idea that we are and should constantly evolve, that means different things to different people of course but it is important to explore, get out of our comfort zones and see where it takes us, how it changes us.

Thank you Killpussy this was a beautiful show it left me turning it over in my mind, wondering speculating and I still am asking that big question how do I find a way to accept all the parts, all the memories, mistakes and seeing some of your journey through that was inspiring. I look forward to seeing how this show develops and I am sure I will be watching it again.

Head Cold

Seems of little relevance having a head cold maybe, just thought I'd use it as a title. Well since emerging from my funkiness I have brought with me a bit of a head cold which is not a big deal. It does make my head hurt and allow me on some level to continue a bit of self-pity the wistful fantasy of having some nubile beauty nursing me back to health is always one of my favorites and who knows one day it could happen.

I have also had a chance to look up again and see the sun, feel it's warmth on my face and remember what it is to be hopeful again. I have found hope in some unexpected places as of late in people I had not expected. In friendly hands extended in good faith and kindness and that is quite an amazing thing, who knows what will come of it or where it will take me but they are beginnings and beginnings are always full of hope and promise and possibility and I thrive on that. I am not really much of a planner, more of a float along and see where the world takes me kind of person, which is why when people assume that I am after something in particular I tend to get a bit annoyed. I like to see where something goes not plan it out, I know this often can lead to danger and disappointment and hurt and scars but, I survive and sometimes I even learn something about myself which is always good.

I'm off to see another show at the RVT tonight despite my cold I do not think I can bare to miss it, I am very excited to see what Stripped Bare by Killpussy will teach me or show me about myself. I am really quite sad too that these set of shows will only be seen once especially as I am going to have to miss two of them due to previous commitments. I do hope somehow in the future world there will be a space for them to be shown again. I am sure that elements of these shows will turn up in other things but to see the six run again I think would be very exciting and important.

I hope Wotever realize just how much they are appreciated, I think it's important that they feel the huge love and appreciation I have seen for them from their members and I add myself in that too. Before Wotever I had no place where I could learn to be myself. I have struggled to be what other people have wanted of me for years and only found confusion and self loathing. I had seen Wotever around but had been to scared to go on my own ( unusual for me, but that's how close to the center this was for me ) I met a friend who took me to Bar Wotever and opened the door for me, since then I have looked for ways to be with them and get to know the people there and I have been welcomed and people have shared with me about things I could not even speak of until a few months ago so this really has been an amazing place for me and I hope I'll continue to be a part of this because it is a beautiful and rare oasis where you can be yourself and be accepted. Thanks Wotever!

Dark Places

I'm in a dark place today, I stood in the shower turned the hot water right up and secretly hoped that if the water got hot enough it might wash my breasts away and leave me with something closer to what I feel underneath. It sounds strange I know stupid even, I suppose I hope somehow that the need to make a decision I can settle with would be taken away from me and I could just somehow fall into being physically more myself without having to deal with the confusion and uncertainty I seem to have to deal with to get there.

I wonder sometimes quietly in the back of my mind where I don't want to say out loud if I'd be on some level a bit relieved if I was diagnosed with something that would require me to have my breasts removed. I thought I was comfortable with my body or at least resigned to it but today I feel trapped and alone and desperate to escape this flesh. I am in a dark place today.