I am living two lives right now, my new name means that I have split away from myself in one world and am rooted almost stuck in my old name. They keep invading each other making it confusing not only for me but for the people around me. New acquaintances know me by my new name and yet are constantly confused by me and others referring to me and my old name and when both old and new are together it becomes even more complicated!
I can't seem to commit to either at the moment, the world keeps asking me to choose and I don't want to. It means I have to work that much harder, that I am that much more tired for it but I have only just found myself and part of that me is fluid and changing old to new and new to old, yes it's confusing and strange and difficult but it's more me than I have been in my life and I am not ready to let it go.
Can so relate. This is why I have Celeste for a middle name. I never liked it all that much, but it was mine. "Les" is derived from it, because I wanted something more masculine, but my name was so tied to my identity. So I could keep it but not keep it. Change is hard.
ReplyDeleteFelt much of the same when my voice changed.
Thanks Les, Yes change is so not easy and yet easy and yet not easy. I keep hoping the next change will make me feel more certain but it doesn't
ReplyDelete