Not Unexpected..

I called the GIC this morning still holding onto the referral letter like I am afraid it will suddenly disappear if I let it go. I tell them I have a letter from my GP and he said I should just turn up with it and they said no that isn't how it works. I am not really surprised, I felt it was wrong all along but I really was hoping against hope that I could just magically just turn up with a letter and then I could start getting things done. Well it is an important lesson for me to listen to the people who have already gone through this and not my GP, funny how when in a situation where I am unsure of myself, I almost always automatically defer to the nearest person of authority even if I do not trust that person knows what they are doing. It's a dangerous trait, one that could get me into all sorts of trouble.

Luckily the letter he has given me is not completely useless, I can send it in and they will have it on record for me and use it to contact my GP so it sort of like half of the puzzle key. The other half is to get a referral to a local psychologist, I suspect this could take quite a while so I will need to get onto that, but at least I am doing something I think that is also part of the battle for me. I allowed myself some dreaming yesterday. Wandering through the sites of FTM's who have been through or are going through their journeys. I was excited at the prospect of that being me one day but also sad. The more I look at this the more I want to go forward with it and the more I realize that I have a lot to loose. Those questions won't ever go away I don't think and the thought of no longer being part of the lesbian community because I don't look like a woman anymore is deeply painful. I hope in the time it takes me to change, things will have moved on a little for us and that this trend toward fracturing in the Queer community finally has it's day and we can all just be queer together.