Well I've had a couple of self indulgent pity days I guess, moping around in my head feeling sorry for myself and waaaing at the world. Now I am over it I feel better and a touch sheepish about it as per usual.
Most of the time I'm pretty happy with myself I like my wit and intelligence ( oh such boasting ) I just don't like the body I'm in and I'm making changes to try and like it more, but it takes time especially when I have spent the last 20 years filling it to bursting with bad food and refusing to move it around. I became the worst kind of body and deep inside I guess I was hoping to kill it off as soon as possible. I am trying to fix that now and am making progress, I am not the same fat slob I was say 6months ago but a smaller quicker fat slob so I'm getting there and in time I'll get to lean and maybe even catlike ( which I'd really like ) but this is done with small and gradual stepping not instantly and I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Last week I wanted to be the lean catlike me I think I am inside right now and seeing the smaller fat slob in the mirror made me angry and frustrated which then lead to pity and tantrums so next time hopefully I'll read this and remember that I'm getting there slowly and as long as I keep the tantrums at bay and keep putting one foot in front of the other I'm gonna get there.
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